Fearfully and Wonderfully Made: February 2010

To my Birthday Boy.....

Today at approximately 8:20 p.m. you will be one! I was in labor with you for TWO days! I wondered if I would ever meet you. You were very stubborn and didn't want to budge. Finally, after two days of labor you were born. I never realized how much my life could change in an instant. People always told me how different my life would be, but I never understood the magnitude of that until you were here. The couple of days we spent in the hospital after you were born were so special. You had so many loved ones there that couldn't wait to meet and hold you. You Dad and I were starting to get adjusted to the fact that we probably would not be getting any sleep for some time. Breastfeeding was something I looked so forward to and didn't mind feeding you every four hours. It was pure joy. We were learning how to burp you, change you, etc.. It came to mind how on earth am I going to be able to do all of this at home without the nurses and my family. We did just fine. :)

Sometimes I can plan things out in my head and expect them to go a certain way. However I have certainly learned in the past year things don't always happen that way you want them to. My plan isn't always the Lord's plan. One of the hardest times in my life was right after you were born - not because of you. We brought you home from the hospital and a day later I had to leave you to go back to the hospital. I stayed there for four more days. All I wanted to do after you were born was be with you. I hated to be there apart from you. Then I have Doctor's telling me what's wrong and I was just scared. Scared in the fact that I wondered if this was going away and if it doesn't will I be able to take care of you the way I wanted. Luckily, during those days when I was in the hospital your sweet Gigi stayed with you and took care of you. You two really bonded those few days :) Your dad and Grams took you to your first Doctor's appointment and then you came to see me in the hospital. It made my day to finally see you and hold you again. Because of some issues I was having I was unable to breastfeed you. Looking back, I can see the Lord's hand in everything. The nurses sent us home with bags and bags of formula just in case we needed them. So your Gigi had plenty to feed you. I have always admired Christians that go through trials in their life and their faith in the Lord stays so strong. There had been many times in my life before you were born when I said to the Lord "I want faith like that whenever a storm comes my way."

In those days and weeks after you were born I sought the Lord...sought him more than I ever had in my life. The Lord wanted to teach me a lesson. He allowed that trial in hopes I would trust in Him more. And I do.

Graham - It's because of you that I'm walking closer with the Lord each day. It's because you my trust in the Lord grew stronger. It's because you that I've learned to truly cast my fears upon the Lord and not worry. It's because of you I've experienced joy beyond measure. Looking back I wouldn't change a thing. Thank you so much for everything! I love you sweet boy!

I feel so blessed to have gotten to stay home with you this past year. You are so much fun and I've enjoyed seeing you grow and learn new things. I look forward to all the things this next year is going to bring.